I got fired.

My biggest moment of failure led to my greatest current success.

I got fired.

Yep. I got fired.

Never in my life did I think that would happen to me - it felt like my world had shattered.

4+ years of dedication. Figurative blood, sweat, and tears. Putting someone else's dreams over mine. All felt like they were washed down the drain.

The first thing I did was protect my ego. I did it under the guise of keeping my team intact.

“Let’s position this as a mutual departure”... at least I thought that would save some face, but everybody knew.

It took me years to process this, years to understand. I actually still think I am processing this to this day. Grieving a part of my life that was lost - colleagues who I thought were friends, but their loyalty ended up feeling transactional - it was difficult to move on from.

How could this happen to me?!

It seemed like I had everything going for me…

I was the #2 in the company, the CEO's right hand man. 

I had helped build much of the foundation the company stood on and couldn’t understand how someone who identified so viscerally as a high achiever could be in this situation.

But there were signs.

There were signs early. There were signs along the way. There were always signs.

And I stayed - continuing to tolerate the misalignment that was honestly palpable at times.

The reality is the company I joined had evolved, and I had not evolved with it… It wasn’t that I didn’t change, it was simply that the new mission didn’t spark inside me what it needed.

The hard part as I reflect back actually isn’t the fact that I was fired… that was just the catalyst event…

The hardest part is that I didn’t trust myself enough… Believe in myself enough... Listen to what I knew I should do...

I should have quit.

I should have trusted my gut. But I didn’t. (this is what really crushes me.)

I just continued to tolerate more and more.

The biggest reason… the financial component. I was scared to lose it.

But it wasn’t just the money, it’s what the money represented to me, what we had built.

At times, it felt impossible to leave because I felt I had earned my way to where I was… I felt like walking away would be so dumb.

But then the things I worked hard for started to be clawed back. My pay structure kept changing, and I took about a 25% pay cut.

My position was given to someone else who was going to move closer to the company HQ, but that didn’t work out, so it was then given BACK to me (so now I had 2 jobs to do).

All tolerated. 

Because I didn’t think I could do it myself… Because the risk seemed high... Because I was scared I needed to be dependent…

On the outside, I had what everyone would call success. I was making great money. Owned two houses. Brand new car. Girlfriend. Dog. 

On the inside, I was miserable. Masking my depression with workaholism. Hiding in my office for 12+ hours per day. Not feeling one single emotion.

Sleepless nights laying awake with anxiety.

I was withdrawn emotionally from my girlfriend (my now wife - thanks for your patience while I worked on myself). 

I hid from the problem and masked it. I kept telling myself lies.

And being fired - it’s weird even saying that word - was exactly what I needed, I just didn’t know it.

I still feel shame around the story and situation. I still feel like I failed. But I’m glad I did.

I’ve learned what I can no longer tolerate. I learned my non-negotiables.

I learned what type of leader I want to be. What kind of leader I never want to be. 

I learned to always get shit in writing (everyone will pay the dumb tax, mine was just really expensive).

In a weird way, I actually learned who I am.

The biggest lesson for me and maybe for some of you reading this, is simply we will just tolerate what we think we deserve. 

We will never take the risk. 

We will never make the move. 

Sometimes, we have to be forced into it. But my hope is someone reads this, someone resonates with it, and it inspires you to stop settling for the bullshit (like I did).

To stand up and walk away when you no longer feel aligned, when you’re literally explaining who you work for but always have to balance that with justifying their actions or polarizing message - it shouldn’t be that way. 

So maybe, just like me, your greatest sense of failure could actually become the catalyst to your greatest achievement.